checking the time

Right now my clock says 11:11pm. Since my teen years, I've always made a wish when I see those numbers...and up until February 8th, 2010, those wishes were usually for myself. That was the day everything changed; I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy named Mateo and I was suddenly willing to give all of my wishes to him.

Almost a year has passed (so cliche, but where does the effing time go??), and I'm days away from returning to work. While I can honestly say I love my job (I'm a reporter/producer for "Always Good News" on CTS), I'm anxious - and not in a good way - about relinquishing my control of Mateo's day-to-day activities. I'm extremely fortunate because my mom has agreed to care for him while my hubby and I are at work, but the fact remains: I will be missing so much. What if he takes his first steps? Says his first real word ("Dada", "Yaya", "Baba" and most exciting, the recent "Mama" are pretty much the only sounds he makes)? Feeds himself? Goes on his first date? Ok, getting ahead of myself... but you see where I'm going with this. How is a working mother supposed to balance her life in a way that is fullfilling on all levels? How am I supposed to avoid stretching myself too thin? How will I handle missing these monumental moments?

So much has happened, so much has really changed in the last year, and I'm looking to the future with glasses as rosy as I can get them. And while I'm in many ways dreading the end of my maternity leave, I look forward to meeting people doing good things while I tell their stories for the show.

My clock now says 11:26, but when 11:11 comes around again, I'll make another wish for Mateo. But I can't tell you what it is, or it won't come true.