simply memories

Our second little miracle, Violet Leigh, arrived on October 26th at 10:15pm.  10 days later, we welcomed my friend and photographer of choice, Kate Hood, into our home to help us create some photo memories of this wonderful time in our lives.

Since becoming a mother, I've realized how fast time seems to go.  I blinked and my first born, Mateo was in preschool.  One of my regrets from the first time around was choosing not to have newborn photos taken.  So when I found out I was expecting for a second time, I booked Kate immediately.

The shoot was done in our master bedroom.  Nothing fancy - no studio lights or props.  Just natural light from the window, my late Grandmother's blanket (we named Violet after her), our beagles, my husband, our son, and our newborn baby girl.  And despite this simplicity, the images Kate created are the most beautiful pieces of art I've ever seen; completely capturing the essence of my beautiful little family.

While traditional newborn photos usually include little babes posed in tiny baskets and flower pots, we were looking for something more real - and I couldn't hold back the tears when I saw that Kate gave us just that.  Each little body part, each smile, each touch appears so genuinely in each photograph, and as I scrolled through the collection, I felt so incredibly blessed and grateful not only for my family, but also for the opportunity to enjoy these memories for the rest of my life.

I think the reason I'm writing this blog is to express just how much I believe in photography. Real, raw, beautiful photography. You can't put a price on memories - and if you're looking to make some, I encourage you to invite Kate along.

Tick-Tock Goes the Clock

Well, I’ve reached week 38 of my second pregnancy, and I’m starting to feel a bit guilty for wishing it away. 

I’ve been “done” - and I mean DONE - for several weeks now.  Getting up to pee 6 times a night, adopting a bit of a waddle thanks to the sciatic nerve pain, feeling completely exhausted and generally large (more like EXTRA large) has turned me into one grumpy pregnant person.  I’ve scoured the internet and begged for advice in online groups for ways to get the labour going sooner.  I’ve started taking evening primrose oil caplets and drinking raspberry leaf tea, I’ve gone for long walks and gotten hubby on board to help with other fun (yet utterly awkward at this stage) methods.  And yet, this baby is still safely tucked away in my belly with no real signs of adhering to my eviction notice.

Now that I’m closer than ever to the big day, I’m realizing that this could be my last experience with pregnancy.  Hubby and I have thought about having 3 children, but the more we discuss, the more we feel that 2 might be just right for us.  And so, in a few weeks, a few days or even a few hours, I will be giving up my last beautiful round belly, my last adoring look from a stranger, my last kick from the miracle growing inside me.

If I’ve learned anything from my first born, Mateo, it’s that time goes unbearably fast when you start to have children.  Forgive me for the cliché, but it literally feels like yesterday that we brought him home, and now he is having complete conversations with us and insisting on doing everything “by self”.  One day, not so long from now, the baby I’m wishing would come out of my body will be walking out of my house, and I’ll wonder where the years went.

Nothing I do or say or wish for will speed up or slow down the clock.  And this little baby will come when she’s ready – in her own good time.

never 'just dogs'

Growing up, I was desperate for a dog.  I dreamed of a time I could cuddle with my furry friend at night, and run in the backyard with him during the days.  I would flip to the comics in the paper and look longingly at the Snoopy strip thinking, "If Charlie Brown can have a beagle, why can't I??".  My childhood came and went, and still I had no dog to call my own.

Enter my Knight in Shining Armour (or rather, Hero in an EMS Uniform) who would eventually propose marriage and give me the most precious wedding gift I could have ever imagined - a beagle, named Copper.  My dream had finally come true!  I had a furry friend to cuddle with and run with and love forever... But the thing is, I really had no idea what I was getting into.  I could never have dreamed up the love, the loyalty, the pure bliss I would feel with this precious animal in my life.

A year after Copper came, we welcomed another beagle, Diego into our family.  Our "Beagle Boys" became our children - we spoiled them with gourmet food and spent hours indulging in long walks and cuddles on the couch in front of the TV.  When I found out I was expecting my first human child, countless people told me my "boys" would soon take a backseat.  That I would no longer feel the same connection, and they would become "just dogs".  I insisted through my pregnancy that this was simply untrue.  And in truth, Copper and Diego have not only maintained their status as our children, but have strengthened and enriched our family more than they'll ever know.

Every morning, I wake to Copper's insistent licks and Diego's silly stretching sounds.  I come home after a stressful day at work to be greeted with excited barks and wagging tails.  I can always count on a free floor-cleaning crew while making dinner, and a cuddle partner or two on the couch while we watch our favourite shows.  I am never alone, and in my darkest hours, just one look in their eyes tells me I am loved.

I've watched with heartache as friends have had to say goodbye to their beloved dogs, and I wonder how I will ever be able to do the same.  I can't imagine a day when I won't hear Diego's little paws running across the floor, or Copper's eager whine when food is put on the table.  Just as I can't fathom saying goodbye to my son, Mateo, I simply can't accept that I will one day - far too soon - have to say goodbye to my Beagle Boys.

But in the meantime, I will cherish each and every moment I share with these creatures.  I will be thankful that my son and daughter-to-be will be fortunate enough to grow up with them, never having to want or wish or dream the way I used to.  And to those who told me they're "just dogs", I feel sorry for you.  I pity you for not knowing how a human and an animal can share the purest of friendship, an unspoken bond; the most unconditional love.

the ultimate blessing

Five years ago at a bridal shower, a dear friend of mine announced quietly that she was pregnant.  I had only been married for about a year (she had been married less time), and while I was excited for her, I wasn't sure if that path would be right for me.  When she gave birth to her son the following winter, I remember visiting her in the hospital and holding her newborn for the first time...it was magical, and he wasn't even mine.  She would gush on the phone and in emails about how in love with her baby she was, and that while motherhood was hard, she wouldn't trade it in for anything.  In her very short time as a mother (she lost her life to colorectal cancer before her son turned two), she taught me so much about love, life, and being a mommy.  I soon  realized that maybe I did want to take that path after all.

I remember visiting her in the hospital - this time, during her cancer treatment - and whispering in her ear, "I'm pregnant!".  I was only 6 weeks along at the time, and she was the second person I had told, even ahead of my own mother.  She whispered back, "I knew it!" and glowed with an excitement that only another mommy could exude.

At her funeral, I watched her son point to a photo beside the casket and exclaim, "Mommy!!".  As I clutched my belly, feeling the life of my son inside me, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of desperation.  What if I too would be forced to leave my baby behind?  What must she have felt knowing she wouldn't watch him blow out another birthday candle?  Ride a tricycle?  Go to school? 

My son is now two and a half, and I am expecting my second child - a girl - this Fall.  I think about my friend all the time, about what she's missing, and how many more children she would have had.  I think about how unfair life is.  How precious these gifts are. How we can't take one second for granted.  And I am thankful that some of my other dear friends have started their own families, and are enjoying the same bliss that she once enjoyed; that I still get to enjoy. 

Five years from now, perhaps at another bridal shower, I will think of my friend.  I will continue to be thankful for the "trend" she started, and for the example she set of how being a mommy is the ultimate blessing.

the meaning of my birthday

As the years go by, the meaning of my "birth day" changes.  When I was a little girl, a birthday meant PRESENTS.  When I was a teenager, a birthday meant PARTYING.  When I was in my 20s, a birthday meant... ok, partying.  When I turned 30 last year, it was about both presents and partying (I see a trend here), but this year it meant something more.  Suddenly I feel grateful to even have a birthday.  To be alive.  To live in a beautiful home.  To share a life with my husband, our beagles and our son.

I am so thankful for my friends and family who shared birthday wishes on Facebook, in emails, text messages and phone calls today.  But I want you all to know that I feel your love every day.

Today was unlike most of my previous birthdays; fairly ordinary in fact. I ate pancakes, went for a walk, bought a new juicer, went out for lunch, lounged on the couch, tucked my son into bed, went to a movie, ate some dessert, came home...and all before 11pm.  But for me, it was spectacular.  My present and my party was precious time spent with my family.

Happy Birthday to me!