the ultimate blessing

Five years ago at a bridal shower, a dear friend of mine announced quietly that she was pregnant.  I had only been married for about a year (she had been married less time), and while I was excited for her, I wasn't sure if that path would be right for me.  When she gave birth to her son the following winter, I remember visiting her in the hospital and holding her newborn for the first time...it was magical, and he wasn't even mine.  She would gush on the phone and in emails about how in love with her baby she was, and that while motherhood was hard, she wouldn't trade it in for anything.  In her very short time as a mother (she lost her life to colorectal cancer before her son turned two), she taught me so much about love, life, and being a mommy.  I soon  realized that maybe I did want to take that path after all.

I remember visiting her in the hospital - this time, during her cancer treatment - and whispering in her ear, "I'm pregnant!".  I was only 6 weeks along at the time, and she was the second person I had told, even ahead of my own mother.  She whispered back, "I knew it!" and glowed with an excitement that only another mommy could exude.

At her funeral, I watched her son point to a photo beside the casket and exclaim, "Mommy!!".  As I clutched my belly, feeling the life of my son inside me, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of desperation.  What if I too would be forced to leave my baby behind?  What must she have felt knowing she wouldn't watch him blow out another birthday candle?  Ride a tricycle?  Go to school? 

My son is now two and a half, and I am expecting my second child - a girl - this Fall.  I think about my friend all the time, about what she's missing, and how many more children she would have had.  I think about how unfair life is.  How precious these gifts are. How we can't take one second for granted.  And I am thankful that some of my other dear friends have started their own families, and are enjoying the same bliss that she once enjoyed; that I still get to enjoy. 

Five years from now, perhaps at another bridal shower, I will think of my friend.  I will continue to be thankful for the "trend" she started, and for the example she set of how being a mommy is the ultimate blessing.