the ultimate blessing

Five years ago at a bridal shower, a dear friend of mine announced quietly that she was pregnant.  I had only been married for about a year (she had been married less time), and while I was excited for her, I wasn't sure if that path would be right for me.  When she gave birth to her son the following winter, I remember visiting her in the hospital and holding her newborn for the first time...it was magical, and he wasn't even mine.  She would gush on the phone and in emails about how in love with her baby she was, and that while motherhood was hard, she wouldn't trade it in for anything.  In her very short time as a mother (she lost her life to colorectal cancer before her son turned two), she taught me so much about love, life, and being a mommy.  I soon  realized that maybe I did want to take that path after all.

I remember visiting her in the hospital - this time, during her cancer treatment - and whispering in her ear, "I'm pregnant!".  I was only 6 weeks along at the time, and she was the second person I had told, even ahead of my own mother.  She whispered back, "I knew it!" and glowed with an excitement that only another mommy could exude.

At her funeral, I watched her son point to a photo beside the casket and exclaim, "Mommy!!".  As I clutched my belly, feeling the life of my son inside me, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of desperation.  What if I too would be forced to leave my baby behind?  What must she have felt knowing she wouldn't watch him blow out another birthday candle?  Ride a tricycle?  Go to school? 

My son is now two and a half, and I am expecting my second child - a girl - this Fall.  I think about my friend all the time, about what she's missing, and how many more children she would have had.  I think about how unfair life is.  How precious these gifts are. How we can't take one second for granted.  And I am thankful that some of my other dear friends have started their own families, and are enjoying the same bliss that she once enjoyed; that I still get to enjoy. 

Five years from now, perhaps at another bridal shower, I will think of my friend.  I will continue to be thankful for the "trend" she started, and for the example she set of how being a mommy is the ultimate blessing.

the meaning of my birthday

As the years go by, the meaning of my "birth day" changes.  When I was a little girl, a birthday meant PRESENTS.  When I was a teenager, a birthday meant PARTYING.  When I was in my 20s, a birthday meant... ok, partying.  When I turned 30 last year, it was about both presents and partying (I see a trend here), but this year it meant something more.  Suddenly I feel grateful to even have a birthday.  To be alive.  To live in a beautiful home.  To share a life with my husband, our beagles and our son.

I am so thankful for my friends and family who shared birthday wishes on Facebook, in emails, text messages and phone calls today.  But I want you all to know that I feel your love every day.

Today was unlike most of my previous birthdays; fairly ordinary in fact. I ate pancakes, went for a walk, bought a new juicer, went out for lunch, lounged on the couch, tucked my son into bed, went to a movie, ate some dessert, came home...and all before 11pm.  But for me, it was spectacular.  My present and my party was precious time spent with my family.

Happy Birthday to me!

10 little things to change the world

Today, I've come to the conclusion that if even 80% of the human population adhered to, or were blessed with the following 10 things (in no particular order), the world would be a better place:

1. An abundance of nutritious food.
2. A plant-based diet.
3. A place to call home.
4. A job close to home.
5. The love and loyalty of an animal.
6. A group of people to call "family".
7. A friend or two.
8. Respect for all living creatures.
9. A voice.
10. True happiness.

Thoughts?

Before I was a Mother, I wore lip-gloss

Before I was a mother, I wore lip-gloss.  I read novels and drank lattes.  I went shopping on my own.  I woke up each morning to the sound of my alarm, and took long hot showers.  I got together with friends and went on dates with my husband.  I traveled.  I walked the dogs after dinner.  I did laundry once a week.  I dreamed of becoming a journalist for a big broadcaster downtown.  I wore heels almost every day.  I worked out with a trainer 3 times a week and stuck to a proper diet.  I thought my wedding day would always be the best day of my life.  I took fewer pictures.  I didn’t care about our small backyard.  I worked on scrapbooks for hours.  I thought the Wiggles were whacked.  I didn’t know Mickey Mouse had a new clubhouse.  I thought I could never love a baby as much as my beagles.  I drank wine.  I bought clothes for myself.  I didn’t own crayons.  I left scissors out.  I had a boring bathtub.  I thought parents of newborns were totally paranoid.  I had no idea how important a Diaper Genie could be.  I didn’t appreciate the invention of the wipe.  I bought less paper towels.  I had shirts without stains.  I didn’t have cookie crumbs in my purse.  I thought I’d never breastfeed.  I didn’t own a food processor.  I didn’t know what true love was. 

Then I gave birth.  We named him Mateo, and my life changed.  I fell in love all over again.  I breastfed for 14 months.  I have stains on most of my clothes.  I do laundry four times a week.  I have a bathtub full of fun toys.  I bow to my Diaper Genie.  I always have a month’s supply of paper towels in stock. There are wipes in every room of my house.  I am totally paranoid.  I carry cookies in my purse.  I lock scissors in a drawer.  I own hundreds of crayons.  I buy toys and shop at Baby Gap.  I make the best applesauce.  I still drink wine.  I love my baby just as much as my beagles (ok, maybe a bit more). I am a Wiggles fan.  I can sing Mickey’s theme song.  I scrapbook when I can.  I go to the gym when I can.  I wear flats.  I work 6 minutes from home, and would give up an anchor position to spend an extra 2 hours with my son.  I read storybooks and drink tea.  I wake up to babbling from a monitor and take 2-minute showers.  I have mommy friends.  I go on dates with my husband – in our Family Room.  I do bath time after dinner.  I found us a new house with a bigger backyard.  I take more pictures.  I smile more.  I have rediscovered Mac & Cheese.  I make Rice Krispies Squares.  I always have hand sanitizer close-by.  I think the word “mama” coming out of my son’s mouth is just about the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.  I found true love.  And the lip-gloss?  I traded it for kisses.

moving to the beat

A man once told me that everything in life is rhythmic; the steps of your feet, the words from your mouth, the beat of your heart.  And no matter how hard you might try to deny it, even things like your daily routine - taking the kids to school, writing a report, mailing a letter - are all done with some sort of rhythm.  I know for sure that in my life, the rhythm is constantly changing.  I'm always learning, always moving in one way or another; even when I'm sitting still.

This man's name is Dean Gagnon.  If you saw him on the street, you may not give him a second look.  He's your regular everyday Joe, earning a living as a Special Needs worker, and drumming in his spare time.  But it's what he decided to do with his gifts - with the rhythm of his life - that made him extraordinary.

Please take the next two and a half minutes to watch his story that aired on Always Good News. 

Erin

all you need is now

Turn the key.  Sunglasses on.  Pull out onto the street.  Turn on the radio.  Who knew I'd start my day with Duran Duran telling me, "all you need is now"?  Followed by a resounding "never say never" from The Fray.  It's funny how the universe just knows sometimes. 

As you can see, I haven't written a blog entry in some time.  I'm in great need of a spring cleaning of sorts; but of my life (ok, and my house).  There are so many things I want to do!  When was the last time I read a book?  Wrote a page of my novel?  Finished a scrapbook page? 

These past few weeks have brought me stories of several amazing people who make me think it's possible to fit it all in (click on their names if you want to watch their story on alwaysgoodnews.ca).  Sonya Di Rienzo, this amazing and quite beautiful female director making short films in Toronto. Don Lucas, a man who went skydiving and white water rafting - when he was in his 80's. Jean Okerese, 88 years young and working with her passion - fashion!  Matt & Bill, two men who are striving to keep your kids safe on the road.... the list goes on. 

Tonight I'm going to go home and see my beautiful son, teach a piano lesson, make and eat dinner.... Then, I'm going to read at least a chapter in the first in the pile of many books I'm dying to read.  It's a start. 

60 Seconds

While I mindlessly scrolled through Twitter updates on my phone last night, I saw a post about a fire truck t-boning a car and killing a 42-year-old woman.  I didn't click on the link to find out more.  These things happen every day, but for some reason the story stuck with me.  I woke up this morning to a bbm message from my husband explaining the details of the crash.  She was literally a minute from home, speaking to her child on the phone as she drove (not sure if it was a head-set or not).  The phone went dead when she was hit, leaving her child motherless.

Anything can happen to anyone at any time.  It's that simple.

All the way to work, I was feeling down because of this story. And I'm really not sure why it affected me so much... Maybe because I'm a parent now.  Maybe because my friend Tanya's son Jack no longer has a mother.  Maybe because I know one minute you can be on your way home to see your family, and the next you can be gone.  BUT........ as the wife of a paramedic, I've learned you have to focus on the GOOD in life, because otherwise the darkness will eat you alive.

And so.... When I arrived at work on the verge of tears, feeling like driving back home and crawling into bed, I sat down and watched the piece my editor put together for me on Friday.  It's the story of Gail Van Egmond, who decided one day to lose weight and get healthy so she could be the mom she was supposed to be to her two sons.  It's inspirational, and beautiful, and positive.  It reminded me that being afraid only wastes time, and living in the moment is not only encouraged, but necessary.

Then my mind wandered to the interview I did on Friday about a man named Trent Kilner, one of the 57 Orphans brought to Canada after the Fall of Saigon in 1975.  He is alive, and well, and married to the love of his life with two beautiful children. 

Life can bring horror and pain.  But it can also bring happiness.  And this minute, I'm choosing to focus on happiness.